Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Looking forward to the rest of my life

The year 2008 has come and gone. As the new year starts to set in, I reflected on last years goals. I asked myself If I've accomplished any goals for 08. Did I really get out of debt liked I planned? Was I able to take a vacation like I planned? Did I find Mr. Right?
This year I was under the impression that I was going to conquer some of the giants in my life, but to my surprise my plans were interrupted by obstacles and mishaps. I felt as if I were in a losing battle, let down after let down. There were times when I could not see through the fog of depression and defeat.
There were times when I felt like throwing in the towel.

As I sat alone in my darkest hour, my heavenly father shined his light down on me, like a coal miner in the darkest mine. He aloud me to see when I was blinded by stress and frustration. He aloud me to laugh when I was hurting on the inside. He aloud me to feel when my spirit was numb.

My journey through the valley was a very rough adventure. When I was tired and needed a place to rest in the wilderness, God allowed me to rest my head. He nurtured my spirit with his word. Without his word I could not have made it without him. He has been my strength, my provider and my everything. I have completed 2008 with gratitude, hope, courage and faith.

This year I will continue to fulfill my goals from 2008. I may have experienced some setbacks, however those setbacks will allow God to set-up what he his planned for me. We have to use our enemies as our foot-stools.
I know I must stay focused on him. I have to allow him to work according to his timing and not mine.
I look forward to the new year with an optimistic view on life. I will continue to persevere and know that God will lead me into a year of great expectations.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Perfect Timing

As I watched the King memorial January 19, 2009 I couldn't help but think, for such a time as this God’s timing is perfect. I felt like a child on Christmas day. My heart was filled with joy and excitement. Forty years in the making and Dr. King's dream has become a reality. Who would have thought the day would come and I would be able to witness having our first African-American President. We’ve seen black actors portray the President in movies and television and even then we knew it wouldn’t come to pass… until now. Dr King’s dream is now a reality. What a blessing it was to see people coming together from different nationalities and religious backgrounds preparing to witness the first African-American swearing into the oval office. We the people of the United States of America were able to judge a man by his character and not by the color of his skin. We were able to come together in unity and stand as one. What a dream come true! I know that Dr. King is smiling down on us, along side with Mrs. King, Malcolm X, Hosea Williams, and Rosa Parks along with many others who fought the good fight for civil rights.
I want to say Thank you Dr .King for your endurance and teaching us how to love. Thank you for teaching us how to retaliate against violence. Thank you for not giving up on your dream. Thank you, Rosa Parks for saying “No” while you were on the bus. Thank you Brother Malcolm for your wisdom and teaching us by any means necessary. Thank you Rev. Williams for walking along side with Dr. King as you both endured the day they called “bloody Sunday” for our civil rights.
What a blessing and honor it is to know that your dream was not in vain. We have come a mighty long way.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I will survive

I am divorced with two beautiful children. I was married for eleven years. I thought we were going to grow old together. Nothing last forever. I have been separated for three years and divorced for over a year.Divorce can be a traumatic experience, especially when children are involved. Children and parents having to adjust to lifestyle changes. While going through my divorce, I didn't realize the many obstacles that I would have to face. I was use to a two family income, now it's different when you have only one income. I didn't realize that my stress level would triple due to the frustration of money, relationships,work and the economy. I felt that I was the only one going through this life changing experience. As I met other single and divorced people with or without children, I realized I was not the only one. I wrote this post because I wanted others to know that they are not alone and that you can survive a divorce or being single. I have experienced everything from depression, loneliness, dating and being at peace. It's through the grace of God that I was able to survive.
I can remember the day when I said I do. When I promised to marry for better or for worst, for richer or poorer, Till death do us part. I remember standing before family and friends making a promise to you and God. To love and cherish you forever... Eleven years has passed us by and we asking ourselves, how did we get to this point? We don't talk like we use to. We don't laugh like we use to. What happened to our marriage?Now here we stand before the court. Exchanging unpleasant stares from one another. We're fighting over property kids and money. We were once two now we are one. Starting from scratch. We are having to pick up the pieces from this jigsaw puzzle called "Divorced". Living outside of my element, alone. The family has been divided and the children feel as if they are the blame. You try your hardest to explain that it's not their fault. You try to be as delicate as you can be by not placing the blame on the other parent. It's as if you putting on a band aid on a gunshot wound. Your heart is heavy, where there was once love now resides resentment and anger.The nights are longer than days. There are so many unanswered questions. None said it would be easy starting a new life, but I will survive!